Friday Fuel! Fear is Bullsh*t

Happy Friday!

Happy International Women’s Month! I think it’s only one day but I’m gonna go ahead and stretch this day over the entire month of March – because, why not? Women are AWESOME – let’s celebrate that as long as possible! Woop Woop!

Have you every wanted to start your own business? Quit your job and move on? Start a new project? Talk to someone you admire?

But you didn’t. You didn’t go for it or do anything. You just continue to dream about it…

Are you wondering whats holding you back? I’ve got a pretty good guess as to what that is….FEAR. Fear is f*cker that paralyzes us and holds us back from pursuing our goals. Fear of failure, fear of looking bad, fear of risk, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection…the list goes on.

Fear is the one thing that makes dreams impossible to achieve – Paulo Coehlo

When we truly want to do something and don’t – deep down it’s fear that is holding us back. We don’t realize it because we try to rationalize all the reasons why we shouldn’t do what it is we want. We give ourselves concrete reasons as to why we shouldn’t pursue that new job, start our own business, talk to someone, etc. What those reasons actually represent is our deep seeded fears and insecurities. Our mind and body is literally on the defense to not let us experience any pain or discomfort. Fear comes with a lot of physiological and psychological responses that trigger our body to get back to a “safe place” and avoid the anxiety.

Fear is not something that we are born with – we learn fear and develop our fears through lived experiences. Don’t you remember as a kid jumping out of that tree or rollerblading down a steep hill with no fear! Or when we were young and did and said what we wanted – we had no filters – we just said what was on our mind. Those were the good old days! Today, we fear it all – most of all, those things that could open us up to rejection and the negative opinions of others.

It’s bullsh*t…

For me; my fears are just that – I fear not being good enough and fear uncertainty. It’s held me back in many instances but now that I know where my fear is coming from, I can sit with it and acknowledge that the thoughts coming into my head are my bullsh*t fears trying to hold me back.

What drives your fear?

The best piece of advice I’ve heard lately about overcoming fear was to take action. DO – don’t over think. Taking action against our fears is the only way to overcome them. I’ve learned that there are three actions we can take to overcome our fears and move forward with our dreams and goals:

  1. Call out your fears. When you come up with an idea or goal you want to pursue and you start to have those negative thoughts and excuses creep into your head – call them out. Write them down and acknowledge them. Figure out what is driving your fear and then give it the middle finger and move on. 🙂
  2. DO something – take action. GO, GO, GO! Don’t sit on it and wait, find something right away you can do to move one step closer to your goal. Think of it this way; you’re never going to be 100% ready so just get going.That first step is the most important. See a job you want to apply for – start writing the cover letter. Want to ask for a raise? Start planning out your negotiation points. Be a DO-ER not a thinker.
  3. Tell someone. Put it out into the universe. Tell someone you love and trust what you want and the fears you are trying to overcome. By telling someone; you are, in a small way, taking a step in moving forward on your goal or overcoming your fear.

If we don’t acknowledge what drives our fear and take action against them – then our fears will steer the direction of our life. That alone scares me enough to do something.

Fear is bullsh*t – live the life you truly dream of.

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Embrace the day!
Christina
twitter: @cturner_strong
instagram: @ciaturner

Happy Friday! Cut the Complaints

Happy Friday!

It’s a beautiful day – go ahead and make the most of it!

 
I was catching up with one of the favorite people last week over the phone (shout out to LB – my southern sister!). We got into some great conversation about negative self-talk and complaining and both agreed it’s pointless and poisonous. We all have one of those people in our life who complains about anything and everything. No matter what the situation is, they find something to complain about. I think we can all agree, we don’t want to be that person…

 
Shortly after catching up with my friend I noticed I was complaining about something…Damn it! I was being that person! It made me wonder why does our brain go to that place? What is the point of complaining? Why do we do it? It is literally no help to the situation. It doesn’t solve the problem or change what happened; it’s pointless.

Life has it’s challenging and just plain sh*tty moments, but our response in those situations makes all the difference in how we will come out on the other end.  Shifting our mindset from seeing barriers, obstacles and bad luck to opportunities is critical to our happiness and success. You may think complaining isn’t that big of a deal – everyone needs those moments to vent but too much of that is truly a BAD thing for our well-being. According to this article by Travis Bradberry, “Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.”

Yikes! The thought that we can rewire our brain to be more negative and revert to that state is scary! I don’t know about you but that makes me want to think twice before complaining ever again…

One of my favorite Friday Fuel blogs from last year was The 90% Rule. It’s a great reminder about the importance of our attitude and response to whatever comes at us in our life.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Staying positive can be challenging at times but you can train your brain to be positive. Fill your brain with the tools to revert to positivity and embrace an attitude of resilience. Here are two more articles I really like about a positive mindset…

Our mindset is such a powerful part of who we are, our presence, our outlook and how we live our life. A negative mind will never get you a positive life, so don’t go there – cut the complaints and re-frame the situation and your thoughts to see the positive.

Chumlee’s weekly glamour shot! Enjoy! Photo cred to my amazing hubster, Andrew Turner. Check out more of his pics on Flickr!

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Embrace the day!

Christina
twitter: @cturner_strong
instagram: @ciaturner

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Friday Fuel! Quit It

Happy Friday!

Growing up I was a tom-boy, I didn’t like the the “girly” things and I was pretty much opposite of my older, super creative and artistic sister, Melissa. My parents were amazingly supportive of my sister and I – I love and appreciate them for enrolling me in any and every activity they could find – I tried it all!  What I love even more about them is that they let me quit the things I clearly didn’t enjoy. My mom enrolled me in dance classes (lasted one day), gymnastics, Girl Scouts (didn’t make it past a Daisy), piano lessons, just to name a few. All of which, were just not for me. Sports were for me – that’s what I loved to do. My parent’s recognized how happy I was on the playing field and that I thrived being part of a team. Rather than forcing me to do a million things I didn’t enjoy, or follow in my sisters foot steps they let me give 100% to the things I loved most and let me set my own path. Reflecting back, I think there is an incredible life lesson wrapped up within all of this. They taught me to try anything and everything but only stick with the things that I truly love and enjoy.

As I mentioned in last week’s blog post, I hope that 2017 (and beyond) will bring you lots of joy. I hope you do more of what makes you happy and cut the things out of your life that don’t. I hope you are not afraid to quit. I know that word has a negative connotation associated with it but quitting can be quite empowering when we are doing it for the right reasons. Hear me out…I am not saying “Quit everything! Quit life! But, I am saying you should quit the things that don’t matter to you. This is highly personal to you and you need to do some soul searching to figure out what that truly matters to you. If something contributes to your big picture goals, gives you meaning and fulfillment then THAT is worth pursuing and persevering through. The things that don’t; should be dropped. I am absolutely guilty of holding on to the things that don’t matter purely because of perception and pride. I don’t want to be a “quitter”. If something/someone doesn’t bring you value, give you meaning and help you reach your goals then you are just wasting time and energy. And for what?! To save face? To not fail? To not be labeled a “quitter”? Don’t let pride and an obsession over what other people think destroy your inner peace and pursuit of happiness. Quitting the things that don’t matter will bring you one step closer to bringing your authentic self forward and living a meaningful life.

Quit the things that don’t matter and give 100% to the things that do.

Here are a couple great blog posts on quitting – check ’em out and start thinking differently about what it means to quit and when it’s the right time to do so.

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(Photo cred to my amazing hubster, Andrew.)

Embrace the day!
Christina
twitter: @cturner_strong
instagram: @ciaturner

Friday Fuel! Peace Out 2016

Happy Friday!

The new year is right around the corner so you are probably thinking I am going to write about “New Year’s resolutions”, “goal setting”, “becoming a better YOU in 2017″…well I’m not. I actually don’t really love this time of year. The idea that we “start fresh” or can only set resolutions and goals at the start of a new year makes little sense to me. Life is a constant journey of growth and evolution – it happens year round. The best time to make changes is when we learn through our experiences and have the realization that we need to do things differently if we want to see different results. This can happen at ANY time of year so why restrict yourself to making change and developing your best self only at the start of a new year? So, no. I am not going to tell you to “set thoughtful new year’s resolutions” and “make 2017 all about becoming your best self”. That is what every day is for!

The reality, however, is that most of you have already got your New Year’s resolutions planned out and ready to go for January 1st so the one thing I will tell you is this:

do more of what makes you happy.

We all love to set goals and adopt lifestyle habits based on what everyone else is doing at that time. We follow the crowd and do what is socially acceptable rather than what truly brings us joy and personal well-being. Are you involved in an activity, group or job that you really don’t love? You have that book club meet up every other Wednesday night but you secretly dread going – then don’t. You wake up every morning and hate going to work for the next 8+ hours? Then do something about it – find another job. Can’t stand that work colleague down the hall who is miserable – then stay away!  Training to run a marathon but you hate running? Then change it up – find a workout routine that you enjoy!

Let’s be honest, this is a huge problem for many women. We set physical goals based on the expectation society has for us – be skinny, be sexy, be super healthy, etc. We say “yes” to everything because we want to be liked and socially accepted. We engage in the things that will help us get one step close to being the “ideal woman”. All the while, we are slowing making ourselves miserable and filling up our life with things we don’t truly enjoy.

It’s really pretty simple…stop wasting your time with things and people that don’t bring you happiness. Respectfully decline, quit, or move on – everything will be okay if you say “no”, I promise! Life is too short and too precious to keep doing the things that don’t make you happy and/or surrounding yourself with people who don’t bring you joy. Cut out all the bullshit.

A good place to start: take a inventory of everything you are involved with or doing right now. Be honest with yourself and which of those things don’t you love doing? Now do something about it…

Cheers to 2017 and beyond!

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Embrace the day!

Christina
twitter: @cturner_strong
instagram: @ciaturner